When the InnerStruggle quietens down and you start breathing again!
Thoughts become clearer, feelings grow louder, and suddenly, reason kicks back in.
That classic "AHA" moment. 😂
And then you ask yourself: WHY?
Why do I hold on for so long to something that, deep down, I’ve long known won’t happen, shouldn’t happen, and perhaps exists only in my head?
I finally had to accept that for years, I had been chasing an idea—a story I kept writing in my mind, even though reality had long since changed.
And that is exactly what hurts.
It tears you apart inside when you realize how much energy you poured into something that simply doesn't exist anymore. Eventually, you sense—not just emotionally, but physically, too—that things can’t go on. Your body gives up because your mind simply refuses to stop fighting.
I’m not talking about dreams here. Dreaming is a wonderful thing. 🤍
I’m talking about constantly dragging the past into the present and clinging to a possibility that is no longer a possibility in reality.
And no matter how often others tell you, "Stop it," you have to come to that realization yourself.
I had to understand for myself that letting go doesn't mean something or someone suddenly ceases to matter.
For me, letting go today means stopping the fight against reality.
And that is exactly what I did for far too long.
With pressure. With analysis. With constant self-motivation. With sheer willpower. With the attempt to understand everything and somehow still maintain control.
That didn't get me very far. In fact, the exact opposite happened.
Last week, the pain made me feel like I was dying—repeatedly—because at some point my body simply said: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
And suddenly, I had this realization:
I don’t have to fight anymore…
… not for something that isn’t meant for me.
… not for a past or an idea that lives on only in my head.
… and certainly NOT against myself anymore.
… AND I don’t have to control everything or constantly find a way to ensure safety.
In the process, I understood something truly important: I have never walked this path alone, and…
… I have the PERFECT job right now!
… I am in the RIGHT place!
… I have the RIGHT people in my life!
… I don’t have to prove myself; I am allowed to just be ME!
I have a WONDERFUL family that catches me whenever I fall. AMAZING helpers and friends.
An INCREDIBLE partner who knows me, stands by me, supports me, and believes in me—even when I couldn't, or sometimes can't, believe in myself.
And I have such GREAT BOSSES who give me the space, trust, and opportunities I need to keep growing.
They have all—each in their own way—contributed to making this growth possible for me, both in the past and moving forward. And for that, I am infinitely grateful. 🤍
Perhaps that was the very moment the inner struggle quieted down.
And suddenly, I could BREATHE again.
What I want to create—bit by bit, through myself, for myself, and for others—is unfolding at exactly the right pace.
Ideas are flooding in. One by one, they are being brought to life and fitting together, until suddenly, a picture emerges.
A vision that no longer exists only in your head but is slowly taking shape.
And perhaps *that* is the difference!
In the past, I tried to hold onto something that didn't exist.
Today, I want to create something that is truly allowed to exist.
The people in my life today are exactly the right ones, and those yet to come will enrich my life.
Letting go and trusting aren't easy when you’ve spent years constantly searching, repeatedly overlooking your own needs, and trying to control everything to avoid being disappointed or hurt again.
But what began for me in 2022—sparked by that single moment on February 17, 2022, when I understood so much—has now truly taken its course.
And four years later—TODAY, September 11, 2026—came another moment that opened my eyes a little wider.
Looking back, I see a person who spent years constantly fighting against themselves.
Plagued by fear, insecurity, and a loss of control.
Yet, I wasn't always like that. I tried everything; I traveled extensively for work and had hardly any free time or real friends—but I had a job. A job that gave me so much. It allowed me to see so many beautiful places and experience an incredible amount.
But it also pushed me to limits I had long ignored.
I pushed past them and kept going. Just functioning.
Until, at some point, I decided to do something for myself.
And so began something that has been unfolding ever since. It has been 10 years now.
And today I say: NO. NOT LIKE THIS ANYMORE!
I don’t want to JUST function. I want to LIVE!
Not constantly striving for something that MIGHT happen someday, but finally living what is here RIGHT NOW.
No longer holding on to things that aren't meant to be, but making space for what truly wants—and is able—to emerge.
My vision is to create something lasting. Something that helps people feel themselves. Rediscover themselves. Let go. Breathe. And perhaps, for a moment, quiet their inner struggle.
It isn’t time yet to share it all with the world.
But I can say this much:
It is a LIFE PROJECT.
Art. Dance. Something plush. My own unique way. And a whole lot of HEART.
And perhaps that is the most beautiful part of it all:
I don’t have to know yet what it will all look like in the end.
I don’t have to force it. I am allowed to let it unfold.
Step by step.
At my own pace.
And this time, not out of fear.
More to come. 🤍🩷💜🩷🤍